Musings of Me

Good Advice

There is nothing more flattering than being solicited for advice.

Granted, this can be tricky. When a situation has evolved to the point where the dilemma warrants advice, it won’t be a simple solution. I have had such circumstances brought to my notice (either my friends are desperate, or I actually do have insight. I hope it is the latter).

Anonymous Male Friend approached me at work. He, one of the three male associates at Retail Hell (so much for anonymity, but none of you know him), had a problem. He needed to get his girlfriend a gift. As I am a woman, and seem to be cool (enough), he asked me for advice (my feelings of self-worth and my ego did puff up a bit).

After ascertaining his position (IE, time they have been together, seriousness of relationship, personality of Girlfriend) I decided to conduct market research and get back to him (if anything, I am thorough, and have no desire to give poor advice. I am also worried she may eat him if I miscalculate).

-As a rule of thumb I apply, advice should never be given unless asked for, and then the giver should not interfere with the course of action the decisionee ends up making (I sometimes break this rule, but it is because I get stubborn and just have to chip in my two cents. I am working on that).

With his permission, I immediately spread my information-gathering tentacles on the female end (my very diverse female end, I might add. It is important to cover the spectrum). My survey question was: “What does a 22 year-old man in a 2.5 year long relationship give his girlfriend for her birthday? She is 22 as well and somewhat demanding (although sweet).”

The responses:
1) “Something well-thought out and sentimental. He needs to show her he cares. I think he needs to plan a date where they met, and do the things she likes. It should be a surprise, but she should know in advance he is planning something she likes so she can dress appropriately. That and she won’t kill him thinking he forgot.”

2) “Something homemade. Even if it sucks, if he put effort into it, I would like it. Of course if it sucks, he’d better have some other trick up his sleeve as well.”

3) “Jewelry. If my honey bought me clothing, he would get it wrong. I don’t care as long as I adore it.”

4) “I am all for some thoughtful little gift, a nice dinner out, and maybe a rose. Or a dozen roses, but one can’t be picky. I like the yellow ones with the pink edges.”

5) “If my man doesn’t get me tickets to the Usher concert, he is in deep shit!”

6) “Mine made me dinner!!! We ended up at Taco Bell later, but it was so romantic!”

7) “We just need to be ALONE. Together. Alone… do you get it? Ok. Allooonnee.”

8) “I would be happy with a hug and an ‘I love you.’”

9) “He needs to do something so unexpected, and so sweet that I realize the effort he went to. That shows me he cares. Nothing is sexier than realizing your boy actually was paying attention several weeks ago when you mentioned you love the Care Bears, and he manages to find an out-of-circulation VHS tape and convert it to DVD. That is HOT.”

After conducting this survey, I hit the web. Looking at Dear Abby and Miss Manners (who appears to be rather grumpy, BTW) I have further learned that according to the proper rules of etiquette, giving jewelry or accepting jewelry from a member of the opposite sex (who is not family) is improper. This may be a little archaic by my standards, but I take each situation separately (As most of my jewelry was granted to me by default from relatives and friends whose ex-boyfriends are scum, though, I can see how this logic would make sense. Nobody wants painful reminders).

Heading back to Anonymous Male Friend with survey results and info in tow, I advised that he needs to come up with something smacking of his individuality (which seemed to be the underlying theme in most answers and what I would want in Girlfriend’s case). Odds are Girlfriend likes him because of his intelligence, creativity and sense of humor (most friends I know, both genders, think highly of these characteristics). In his case, anything he comes up with would get an ‘awwww’ anyway.

After staring at the list and wrinkling his forehead in deep thought, he asked if I had made these up (I was a bit indignant, and so I smiled. I have a certain smile that makes it very clear what I think. Come to think of it, it is closer to baring teeth). In the end, feeling somewhat less stressed, he decided to make her a card and a picnic lunch. Awww.

Much cheered, we began discussing WHAT he should make for said lunch, when our Boss’ boyfriend sent her roses. Yellow ones, with pink trim (Can you say VINDICATED?! HA!). After the collective ‘awww’ subsided from the female associates, and Boss left early to go out with awww-inspiring boyfriend, I saw the cogwheels turning as Anonymous Male Friend mentally added flowers to his list (although I think the roses did morph into lilies).

He should be okay.

posted by Jill @ 11:00 PM