Musings of Me

Work and Learning

I work part-time at a women's clothing store. I keep learning things there, much to my surprise.

Usually I find out the most interesting bits of gossip after the gate has been barred, and we all start dancing to hip hop on the radio. This is when discussions of relationships, lack of relationships, boyfriends, and other various related topics occur (occassionally we branch out to mortgages, banking, children, carrots as a source of nutrition for women over 25, and hurricanes, but not often).
-yes, apparently it is impossible to exhaust a topic, beat it down to nothing, and move on.

I have learned many things from these little chats.

1. If you have a wife, and she drops hints about receiving flowers for several weeks, only buying them after she throws a tantrum in the local grocery store is considered poor taste. Warning signs Husband missed as follows.

WARNING SIGNS OF IMPENDING DOOM:
a) Wife compares price of a single rose as being cheaper than a Whopper at BK.
b) Wife repeatedly oohs and ahhs over sentimental courtship rituals of other couples, namely, "Oh, Mike, Ron brought Carla a daisy he picked on I75 while stuck in traffic! Isn't that sweet? That traffic jumper gave him some extra time in his commute."
c) Wife flat out asks, "Why do you never bring me flowers?"

The round-table open-panel discussion resulted in our following rulings:

a) Husband should have poneyed up the $1.50 for a rose
b) Husband should have said something corny enough to wiggle out of buying rose, such as "Why do I need to buy a flower when I have the loveliest one here with me?"
c) Husband needs to at least take wife to BK, or bring something home with him so she isn't stuck with carrots.

2. If your boyfriend lies to you, dump his ass. Especially if he claims he was working overtime, and your friend spies him in a club making out with another girl. In your polo shirt. That you just had dry-cleaned. Remember to retrieve the shirt, first.

3. Love triangles in the military are a bad idea. Everyone has access to weapons and combat training.

4. Calling your girl every hour while she is at work results in a lot of swearing at her cell phone when she checks her messages. She is not happy, amused, or thinking that it is sweet. In fact, she wants to hurt you badly, and a rose may not save you.

5. An African-American woman's hair is extremely high-maintenance. A white girl can't even begin to understand the complexities.

6. Carrots are necessary for women over 25 to keep the pounds off.

7. Getting in good with the local bartender makes life grand, especially if he was voted hottest bartender in Atlanta by Giselle Magazine. (You are catalogued as obsessed by the panel when you budget your income so you can buy a silk camisole to wear to the bar, just for him. Think of how many girls he buddies up to in the bar....)

8. If you do upset anybody in a club, the bouncers never get to you quickly enough. Plastic surgery is needed in extreme cases.

9. For every good man you find, you date at least 5 losers.

10. Men who hoot and holler at retail employees qualify as losers (as are the ones who come in to buy clothing for their... sisters, etc. THEY ARE ONLY THERE TO FLIRT, AND TO MESS WITH YOUR CONVERSION FROM BROWSERS TO BUYERS).

There are more. Odds are if you have a question, I have already helped to field an answer. Scary.

Segueing into the world of a 'real' job, I have witnessed many battles. My position as a receptionist places me in prime location.

I have seen a 65-year old woman kick a Coke machine. I have seen the UPS lady attempt to flirt with my boss. I have called maintenance for microwave failures, fielded mass inundation of Avon catalogs, and killed a potted fern.

I have endured personnel meetings. I have stuffed my face with free pizza, Chinese cuisine, and bagels. I have slowly become used to opening other people's mail. People have tried to bum cigarettes off me on break (I don't smoke).

The security guards have become friends, I know the building manager because we exercise together, and I have had to babysit a parakeet we chased around the loading dock (the lost bird eventually died of exhaustion, and I had to dispose of him). I also was not the only woman caught shrieking at the mail processor.

Life at the office is never dull. Ever.

That is good because I enjoy being entertained

posted by Jill @ 10:38 PM